Waiting..

 

 

It happens some of you as adults, you get stuck in a ‘child’ or that ‘paralysed feeling’ place.
You might actually have ‘the good enough life’  – career, spouse, children, friends, nice car, choice of holidays, beautiful house, stylish clothes etc. etc.

You might ask yourself – Why am I still feeling so empty at times?

Why don’t I feel satisfied for very long – ever really 😦

Why do I feel sooo incredibly lonely right now?

Why do I never feel good enough?

Gosh I thought having kids and the perfect career and spouse would have satisfied my hunger fed my emptiness and soothed my loneliness.

Then you might start to unconsciously and subtly beat the crap out of yourself.

You say s%$t to yourself like –

Gosh you are so ungrateful, look at all the tragedies happening all over the world..

Be grateful God dammit!!

Be grateful, be grateful!!!

The voice in your head starts shouting –

‘Be f%&*ing grateful!!’

Before you know it you feel completely deflated and you need to try to keep going,

keep living

(I mean you tell yourself the kids need you to keep going)

So you reach for your smart phone and you scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll some more on social media or the latest celeb site.

However you still feel unsatisfied and that voice in your head is getting louder.

‘Looser now you just wasted 5 hours on your phone’

‘You haven’t even exercised today’

You feel so lousy and your ‘to do’ list is growing and growing…..

The empty feeling deep inside feels bigger now and you don’t even know if you can ever possibly find a way to fill it.

Maybe you cant!

But somehow that beautiful flame in you knows that deep down you are much more than that empty feeling, much more than that really mean voice.

So you remember hearing on the radio that meditation can help and maybe getting out for a short walk could shift your energy.

Before you know it you have downloaded the app ‘Insight Timer’ and you allow yourself to sit for 2 minutes following your breath,

and then you read some poetry.

 

You listen to a talk on loneliness via ‘You Tube’

You take out your guitar and practice some new chords.

Your loneliness is still there yet you don’t feel you are drowning in it.

The mean voice is a little quieter – Like you have proved it wrong for a little while.

 

Before you know it you are tackling some of your ‘to do’ list with more of a pep in your step……

 


One thought on “Waiting..

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